Happy Friday, political animals! How insanely bonkers has this week been? I don’t know about you, but at We Got This Covered, we’ve been elbow-deep — yes, that's all 10 wiggly fingers — in the slimy content swamp, fishing out the most ridiculous political stories of the week just for you! It's a messy job, but someone's gotta do it.

If you're reading this, congrats! You’ve officially joined the ranks of the politically and morbidly curious. And since you’re clearly a glutton for punishment, why not share the pain? Forward this newsletter to your favorite masochist, your enemies, your second cousin twice removed, your awful neighbor who won’t mow his lawn, and let them all in on the fun. Misery loves company, after all.

This week, that misery came in the form of politicians bending over backwards to out-embarrass each other. On a scale of 1 to "what the actual heck," we're hovering around a solid 7.5 ⏤ and that’s being generous. (If only our editor allowed negative numbers.) Without further ado, here are the most ridiculous political happenings that made headlines this week.

Toddler Trump’s dance bonanza gets him blacklisted by yet another artist

There are so many words to describe Donald Trump — egotistical, braggart, pathetic, failure, felon, fraud — but “weird” might still fit him best. The man is weirder than Carrot Top on a sugar high, and no example demonstrates that better than a recent town hall. The absolute buffoon chose to ditch the Q&A portion of the evening — who needs to answer voter questions when the election is still weeks out? — and invited his followers to just… vibe and listen to music? Like a try-hard teenager, Trump swayed awkwardly on the stage alongside a bewildered and agitated Kristi Noem as various disjointed songs replaced actual political discourse. 

In the aftermath, genuine concern replaced humor as people openly wondered how accurate that “Dementia Don” nickname is. Concerns over sundowning, a condition related to dementia, quickly spread, but most people were more focused on Rufus Wainwright soundly denouncing the use of his song in Trump’s impromptu dance party.

Trump proves that he knows as much about voting as he does hurricanes, Ohio, and the English language

A strangely bulky portion of the Republican voter base hangs on Donald Trump’s every word, and it might just lose him the 2024 election. Okay, probably not, but a girl can dream. It’s not likely to determine the results of the election, but Trump likely did lose at least a few voters on Oct. 14, and no, it was not thanks to his terrible dance moves. The culprit was actually a scatterbrained moment in which the former president urged his followers to go out and vote… on January 5. 

That’s not when voting happens, but who’s going to correct the world’s most petulant politician? It’s clear that Trump mixed up actual voting day — which is on November 5 — and insurrection day, which fell on Jan. 6, 2021. His smooth brain just combined the dates into one, and if it leads to a few extra lines at those Jan. 5 polls, you can trust that we’ll be scratching our heads over how gullible his followers are.

Harris baits Trump into taking a stand against… seasonal allergies?

No one can fish for freeloading felons quite like Kamala Harris, and the Vice President once again reeled in a big, befuddled bigot this week. The Democratic nominee confidently released a glowing health report to the public and made sure Deteriorating Don was made aware. She even took a jab at Trump’s refusal to likewise confirm his fitness for office and quickly riled a response out of the notoriously pugnacious politician. 

Trump, apparently on a quest to prove Harris right, immediately clapped back, and accused the Vice President of being practically infirm. What’s weighing the poor woman down so much? Allergies. That’s right, rashy skin and pink eye are apparently more than enough to disqualify one from being president — just ask the orange-tinted manifestation of cholesterol walking among us.

‘Dumb and Dumber’ gets a real-world adaptation with embarrassing billboard blunder

Donald Trump has never had a good grasp of the English language. Ever. Spelling and linguistic gaffes have become as closely correlated with the his brand as witless conspiracy theories, but this man has a whole campaign team at his back. Despite this fact, and the dozens of eyes ready and available to catch it, it seems that Trump surrounds himself with people who likewise boast a second grade reading level.

Which seems to be how a common Trumpian spelling mistake made it past Trump, JD Vance, and a handful of campaign staffers and editors, ultimately landing on a billboard. That billboard now bellows the former president’s brainlessness to the world as he demands that we “secure the boarder” in impeccably idiotic fashion. We never thought Jim Carrey’s Lloyd and Jeff Daniels’ Harry would be given an actual run for their Dumb and Dumber money, but if the MAGA movement has taught us anything, it’s that we should never underestimate the bottomless pit that is Republican idiocy.

‘Sounds like a plot from ‘House of Cards’: A liquefying Trump may play right into the radical right’s hands

Trump has been publicly disintegrating for months — even years — but his followers still absolutely refuse to see it. They’ll find any excuse in the book to explain away his increasing instability, from that absurd “weaving” claim to simply saying humans with brains simply don’t “get” him. The very same people who decried a vote for Joe Biden as one for Kamala Harris throw tantrums when the same logic is applied to Trump and Vance. It’s as if they’re unable to wrap their brains around the fact that their doddering, nearly 80-year-old candidate’s two brain cells have been on vacation for months now.

This presents the very real possibility that, if we’re faced with the actual hellscape of another Trump term, we’re actually setting ourselves up for a Vance presidency. And that might even be the plan. People are now considering the very real notion that Trump plans to assume office, pardon himself of all current and future crimes, and then simply step down and hand the reigns over to the pasty patsy at his side. It’s giving creepy Kevin Spacey in House of Cards and this is too dark of a potential reality to contemplate heading into a well-deserved weekend.