Donald Trump has yet to assume the office of President, but the man is already approaching foreign policy the way Godzilla goes after Tokyo.

He’s stomping all over the toes of American allies and loudly promising to annex everyone within a stone's throw of the border and even those across the pond. Unsurprisingly, most of the world is already over his absolute nonsense, and average citizens can do little but wonder how a North American conflict will affect the price of eggs.

Meanwhile, Trump’s completely reversing on his previous — and current — administration's goals to oust every immigrant they can in order to keep Elon Musk happy. Trump is more than happy to listen to Musk’s demands for more foreign workers, because apparently, the only good immigrant is one willing to do a $200,000 tech job for $40k.

We should know better than to think his army of loyal followers would possibly see this as a betrayal of the “build that wall” diatribe. Instead, their adoration seems to have exploded to Gilead levels of zealotry. Jesse Watters is actively licking Trump’s boots, claiming that everyone in the rest of the world should be grateful to have their rights stomped on and completely negating Republicans' obsession with the “don’t tread on me” Gadsden flag. The soon-to-be felon-in-chief must never want for toilet paper, as Marjorie Taylor Greene has joined in on the butt-kissing, declaring that Kamala Harris must have been involved with election fraud. You know, in the election she lost. What a month to stop drinking.

Dookie Don spirals into dementia with fresh threats against everyone from Canada and the Gulf of Mexico to Greenland 

Donald Trump has yet to step foot in the Oval Office, but 47 is already lighting international relationship fires across the globe. It’s one thing to play strongman when it comes to American enemies, but the geriatric president is slinging mud at some of our closest allies — and more than one is already over his inane bullying.

Trump’s baseless threats started with Mexico after the former reality TV host claimed that the United States should annex the sovereign nation. Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum quickly slapped the idea down, diplomatically telling the incoming president where he could shove his dumb ideas. It did little to stop the Orange Menace, however, and he petulantly demanded that the Gulf of Mexico be renamed the “Gulf of America” despite the U.S. owning less than half of the body of water.

Determined to stir the pot, he turned his attention to our neighbor to the north, claiming that he would annex Canada and make it the 51st state. His petty remarks only intensified with news of Justin Trudeau’s resignation, and his ceaseless jabs have prompted Canadians across the internet to grapple with the idea that they might have to defend themselves from a potential American invasion. Whether he means to take both Canada and Mexico by force has yet to be seen, but those 3am tweets read more like the insane ramblings of a dementia-riddled madman than actual policy-making. Make no mistake, however: starting a war on both the Northern and Southern borders would likely end very badly for Americans.

If threatening the nations currently resting on our borders wasn’t enough, Trump has also aimed his bombastic ramblings at Panama. He bizarrely believes that the Panamanian government is somehow shadow-controlled by the Chinese and has decided the construction should belong to the U.S. His threats have ignited a back-and-forth with Panamanian president José Raúl Mulino, who said in no uncertain terms that the Canal belongs to Panama and that America is in no way being stiffed on shipping prices.

Daddy Trump isn’t the only one making baseless threats across the globe, as Donald Trump Jr. recently popped off with some exhausting, cocaine-fueled nonsense himself. While visiting Greenland, a territory of Denmark, the eldest Trump declared that it should belong to America for “security reasons,” leaving Danes scratching their heads at the unwarranted threat.

The Trumps don’t seem to grasp that many of the sovereign territories they intend to grab have better health care systems, infrastructure, or are directly responsible for helping America maintain border security (just ask Ukraine how living next to a belligerent bully is going), but their threats have nothing to do with running a country. Instead, Trump and his followers are determined to spin the excessive instigation as “trolling” or “negotiating,” but level-headed Americans can only wring their hands and hope that the bombastic nonsense comes to an end before we’re forced to choose between our country or actual sanity.

Cursed court jester Jesse Watters broadly claims that everyone’s dream is to become an American citizen. Sure, Jan. 

No one expects a single coherent thought to spark life into the empty void that is Fox News host Jesse Watter’s brain, but sometimes he still manages to impress with his incredible grasp of the absurd. His latest Olympic-level idiocy saw the brainless insult to journalism claim offense, and all because Canada isn’t interested in being conquered by the United States.

Putting aside the fact that pretty much no one, anywhere, has ever been grateful for a hostile takeover, Watters had the gall to falsely proclaim that it is actually a “privilege” to be taken over by the U.S., adding, “That’s what everybody else in the world wants — American citizenship.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth, particularly in the wake of Trump’s election, but Watters isn’t interested in silly little things like facts. He’s too busy being “personally offended” that Canada isn’t chomping at the bit to become America’s 51st state, as if anyone out there wants to join the country that claims Jesse Watters as one of its own.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Marjorie Taylor Greene has the most immature reaction to Trump's certification imaginable, surprising literally no one

We all know what sore losers Team Trump can be — in fact, the whole country is still scarred from the last time — but now we can confirm that they are sore winners, too.

Trump's election win being certified on Jan. 6 without any kind of hitch, unlike a certain other Jan. 6 in recent memory, should have been a cause for celebration for the returning POTUS' supporters. And yet, magnanimity in victory isn't something Marjorie Taylor Greene could pronounce let alone practice, so it's unsurprising that she marked the occasion with a vindictive jab at Kamala Harris paired with a baseless accusation.

"I thoroughly enjoyed watching Vice President Kamala Harris certify her own election defeat today," MTG tweeted, gloating like a Disney villainess. "She didn’t receive one Democrat vote in the primary and stole the election right out from under Joe Biden. The best part is, she went on to lose in glorious fashion."

Yes, apparently Joe Biden is Marjorie's favorite person in the world now and Harris is the evil traitor for usurping his spot in the election. Never mind that Biden himself decided to stand down and fully support his VP's bid for the presidency. The MAGA crowd's collective impression of a sneering school bully at a dodgeball game isn't quite as destructive as what they did when they lost last time, but it's still as immature as you can get.

The 'King of Bankruptcy' just bankrupted his only real campaign promise

Trump's entire 2024 campaign has been built upon a foundation of bashing Joe Biden over everything from the price of eggs to the ongoing wars abroad. He promised to fix it all, to make America great again (yep, another round). But now, as he prepares to take office, the reality of the situation seems to be sinking in. Fixing the price of groceries? Turns out, that's "hard.” Stopping wars? Apparently, the solution is to threaten other countries with massive tariffs unless they bend the knee to the mighty U.S.

You see, it's not about the difficulty of delivering on MAGA promises that's raising eyebrows — it's the sudden U-turns. After years of promising a massive, majestic wall to block out those he once smeared as "rapists and criminals," Trump is now pitching a very different idea: more immigration. And just like that, his supporters are left scrambling with their dropped grocery lists, wondering what exactly they signed up for. You can call it pragmatism, call it hypocrisy, or just call it what it is: pandering to whatever keeps the show going.

Andrew Tate shows off his spelling skills when he threatens to run for prime minister of ‘Britan’

For those of you lucky enough to have never heard the name Andrew Tate, oh how I wish I could be in your shoes. He’s a weak man’s version of a strong man and a complete idiot’s idea of a womanizer. His army of low-IQ losers has somehow kept the former Big Brother contestant relevant far past his expiration date and has even convinced him he’s worth more than the dog poop stuck to a commuter’s shoe. Even with court cases piling up in both the U.K. and Romania, Tate has been mulling over the idea of running for Prime Minister of the U.K., the same country that has been investigating him since 2015 and just seized $2.5 billion’s worth of assets for unpaid taxes from his online businesses.

Tate threw a survey up on social media asking his followers if he should run, and nearly 70% of the survey's 200,000 voters were in favor of the far-right, self-proclaimed misogynist’s idea. If the vacant look in his eyes, the mountain of lawsuits against him, or the absolute inane drivel that comes out of his mouth weren’t enough to convince you that Tate is highly unqualified to be in any sort of leadership position, he also misspelled the name of the country he wants to “save”—despite living in “Britan” for much of his adult life.

The man lived in the U.K. for 20 years and has no idea how a parliamentary system works, but apparently, he is going to “SAVE BRITAN.” Right. We’ll see how “the vote” works out for him once he stops running from the law and finally faces justice in Romanian courts for human sex trafficking — or back in the U.K., where the first charges were levied against him.

The average Trump voter reveals exactly how he won with eye-popping claim that Americans no longer have to pay taxes

For more than two months now, the half of America that didn’t sell their brains for a seat at the MAGA table have been scratching their heads, desperately wondering how — HOW — this man won a second term. We now have an answer, thanks to a mentally inept voter’s admission of exactly how little these people understand about… well, anything. 

The now-viral video sees a Trump voter gush over the wonderful changes her dumpster fire of a president is set to make, including *checks notes* eliminating taxes? The absolute airhead claims that we’re trading out taxes for tariffs, apparently having missed the numerous news stories explaining that we, Americans, pay for those tariffs Trump keeps threatening. She also seems to think that all taxes go toward Democratic leaders and that only Democrats benefit from taxes. The entire line of thinking is simply too deep in outer space for the average person to understand, which left most people wondering what drugs this woman is on — and if any are available to get us through Jan. 20.