The holiday season is inching ever closer and MAGA politicians are dead set on giving Americans heartburn for Christmas.

They don't seem to have gotten the message that the season is meant to be joyful as they spew their usual hate-filled diatribe — but hey, it's just how their lord and savior Donald Trump would want it. He's leading the charge by actively belittling other leaders of the free world and, as usual, his base is singing his praises for it. When it comes to the British monarchy, though, he's got nothing but good things to say. That’s more than moviegoers can claim about Ali Abbasi's The Apprentice, but it has less to do with the movie itself and more to do with the absolute exhaustion Trump detractors feel at the moment.

It’s not all doom and gloom as the winter months sweep in, however. The universe has seen fit to deliver the poor and sickly with some cheer this year in the form of a vigilante good looking enough to rival any Batman star, but with the moral compass of Steve Rogers. Luigi Magione's name is merrily bouncing around American households this week as working-class folks tired of getting shafted by their health insurance companies feel the spark of revolution. Meanwhile, the mega-wealthy are drawing their blinds in the hopes that this Ghost of Christmas Future gives them a hard pass.

Except, of course, the bombastic belligerent blond known as Marjorie Taylor Greene. The Georgia Senator has her big mouth — and her blind devotion to Daddy Trump — to thank for her position and she's willing to keep tooting the mouth-horn if it means keeping it — even if that requires passing on fake news to her braindead fans.

Donald Trump can't stop — nay, won't stop — telling the world about his crush on Prince William

Don't tell Melania Elon, but it looks like Donny has a new crush. Trump met with none other than Prince William for a 40-minute meeting in Paris this week, and while we don't know exactly what they spent that time talking about, by the sounds of it, the loved-up president-elect did nothing but tell the prince how attractive he looked.

“He’s a good-looking guy. He looked really, very handsome,” Trump told The New York Post when reflecting on how his meeting with the future king of England went. “Some people look better in person? He looked great. He looked really nice, and I told him that.”

A pro at putting on a polite smile even in the midst of unwanted company, Prince William appeared in good spirits with Trump, but something tells us he was privately wishing he could run and dive into the Seine by the 47th time Donny told him how alluring he found his beard. For JD Vance, on the other hand, that would probably be a dream come true.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is braying for Jay-Z and Diddy's blood and praying for the death penalty

When the shocking child abuse allegations about Jay-Z came out, drawing him into the Diddy-pocalypse that's sending shockwaves through the music industry right now, the whole world was asking only one question: "OK, but what does Marjorie Taylor Greene think about this?"

Never one to stay quiet when she can instead screech out the most incendiary take possible, Marj of course had to give her response to the disturbing allegations against Sean Combs and Shawn Carter— and, wouldn't you know it, she's immediately demanding their deaths.

"As far as P Diddy and now Jay-Z being accused of raping children, I personally believe pedophiles should receive the death penalty if found guilty,” she declared on X, presumably already sharpening her scythe and picking up her medieval executioner's robe from the dry cleaners. What can we say? Some things ⏤ and people ⏤ never change.

‘These parasites had it coming’: Steamy supposed UnitedHealthcare CEO shooter Luigi Mangione becomes an overnight sensation

For over a week now, America has been following the case of Luigi Mangione, the lead suspect in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, closer than Swifties follow TayTay’s social media posts. The alleged killer captured the attention of the nation with his brazen deed and dashing good looks, and his apparent motivation for the attack — which blasted CEOs like Thompson as “parasites” and claimed they “had it coming” — is starting to serve as a rallying cry, along with the blistering words etched into bullet casings found at the scene: “Deny, defend, depose.”

We’re learning more about Mangione by the hour, and several factors — including the chronic pain that nearly debilitated him for several years — are enticing sofa sleuths to weigh in on the issue. Who could have guessed that eyebrows could be the difference between a guilty verdict and walking free? 

Mindless Marj doles out some fresh fear-mongering with claim that kids are ‘fading into autism’

It seems like we can't make it a day with out Marjorie Taylor Greene spouting some kind of nonsense. The Georgia Representative has a knack for saying whatever is on her mind and, contrary to her vacant expression, it’s quite a lot. She kicked off the week by musing on one of her favorite conspiracy theories: the dangers of vaccines. If any of these mind-rotting conspiracies held a lick of truth, they would certainly explain how ol' Marge ended up this way. The cringey blond took to X to muse on how kids these days keep "fading into autism." Read that again. Marj's terror around vaccines is by no means anything new, but claiming that they can pull a child from their current state into a developmental disability showcases her clear lack of understanding around the disorder — and suggests she should open a book.

Yes, now that she's been in Congress for a full term, the U.S. Representative should really at least try to give the impression that she knows how to do her job. Proving that she has no idea what a government mandate is, she took to X to rave about the incoming administration’s "MAGA mandate" and how excited she is to "deliver it to the American people." Maybe we should cut her some slack since the post was released after she rubbed elbows with her idol, Donald Trump, but at this point it's just kind of sad. Babe, he's never gonna call. Especially now that she's been passed off to work under his new favorite bestie, Elon Musk, in the farcical Department of Government Efficiency. We can only assume that the mandate she thinks the people want is Project 2025, but that would require admitting that the Mango Mussolini knew what it was all along.

Trump fails to fill the vacancy in his brain with continued misunderstanding of how countries work

If pissing off and degrading other leaders of the free world is a part of the 1000-page document, it would appear Donald Trump is right on track. Over Thanksgiving, the president-elect hosted a number of high-profile celebrities and politicians at his Mar-a-Lago resort, including Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. It's 2016 all over again as Trump's supporters promise that the president will show even an ounce of presidential flair, yet he just keeps bumbling his way through disastrous meetings with everyone except known dictators.

The soon-to-be-president has made multiple jokes about annexing our northern ally since the meeting, firing off his most recent at nearly midnight a full week later. He took to Truth Social to call the country the "great state of Canada" and refer to Trudeau as "governor." You know when you think of the perfect response to something hours after an interaction but you have the grace and decency to let it go? Trump doesn't seem capable of that kind of restraint. He's got the maturity of a 4th grader and can't help but take the swipe no matter how deeply unfunny the joke was the first time. Or the second. Or the third.

His dedication to self-indulgence is almost commendable — if it didn't come at the expense of the American people, that is. Now that he's headed back into the Oval Office, it’s getting pretty clear that the only reason Trump likes America so much is that you can't spell it without "me."

Somehow, the man responsible for the abysmally-timed Trump biopic is shocked at how it was received

At least one person understands who Trump is as a person, though he might be regretting choosing the president-elect as the subject for his latest project. Director Ali Abbasi is reeling after his Trump biopic, The Apprentice, floundered at the box office despite receiving a Certified Fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes. The director knew there would be pushback against a controversial figure, but he had no idea how poorly Americans would receive it.

It sort of feels like releasing a biopic for Jason for the pleasure of the Crystal Lake camp counselors, but hey, we respect the vision. Abbasi says he's "shocked" the film is "considered controversial." "You’re dealing with someone who is like.... the encyclopedia entry of World Controversial," the filmmaker said. Maybe the half of the country that already knows what a dirtbag Trump is will be able to stomach the film in four years.

Grifter Greene and Ingrate Ingraham take issue with Luigi Mangione’s new hero status

The biggest issue in the UnitedHealthcare CEO case, at least to some, is the reaction by the public at large. Rather than react in horror to the death of a high-level executive who heartlessly denied people in need, the American public is celebrating. They’re desperately thirsty for the unfairly attractive Mangione, utterly unbothered by the death of Thompson, and starting to see a healthcare-themed revolution in their future.

That possibility seems to scare the absolute piss out of gutter monster Greene, who spoke up against "socialized medicine” and criticized the left — and only the left — for supporting Mangione. She was joined by inexcusable incompetent Laura Ingraham of Fox News, who’s pinning the blame for all that Italian thirst on the left. Sorry to break this to you, ladies, but this is an issue that crosses political lines, and no amount of blonde whinging is going to turn back time.