Happy almost-Halloween, ghoulish gals and boo-loving bros! It's your favorites scribes from We Got This Covered and we're here to tell you that if you've been up to any devilish deeds this week, they don't even compare to the epic face-plants Donald Trump and his goons have been experiencing.

While you were bobbing for eyeballs and practicing your best banshee screams, Trump publicly rocked a severe case of saggy elephant crotch and slipped into the most disturbing Halloween costume of all time. We wish we could say that the shenanigans stopped there, but this is the MAGA crowd we're talking about, so it should come as no surprise that Donald's detrimental mouth has once again gotten him into boiling-hot water. Meanwhile, his deeply deplorable crony Tucker Carlson had more than enough to say about ⏤ you guessed it ⏤ the importance of spanking underage girls “vigorously.” 'Cuz that's not the stuff of nightmares (or the definition of predatory behavior).

The creep show just keeps getting creepier, folks, but before you sharpen your claws for a wild night of mayhem and debauchery, let's dive into some of the mind-bending tricks these clowns continue to substitute for actual intelligence ⏤ because if we're being real, there aren't any treats here, unless you count our ability to laugh at these foolish mortals. Come now, before dawn approaches ⏤ let's cackle and cringe together!

Donald Trump teases his future career as a prison fry cook with weird McDonald’s campaign stop

McDonald’s, a fast food chain that’s recently had to emphasize its apolitical nature, has somehow found its way into frequent conversations during the 2024 election cycle. Donald Trump, likely among the chain’s most frequent customers (is there an award for that?), has worked hard to make the business a fixture of the moment and even made a campaign stop at a location to try out the everyman experience. For some reason, the disgraced former president, who is far more familiar with the front of house than the hardworking back, ventured behind the counter to embarrass himself in 4K. As bizarre as this decision was, at least one good thing came out of it: he got a taste of how the prison kitchen functions — an important skill for anyone being sued for the umpteenth time.

Dumpy Don tells on himself with ‘I have no cognitive’ slip

Trump is not a smart man, and it’s been clear for months now — years, really — that his cognitive decline has reached truly concerning levels. He was struggling to string sentences together in 2020, and by 2024 his brain has smoothed out like a river-pounded stone. No ridges or bumps left, just conspiracy theories, greed, and the undying need for power. 

That need for power isn’t enough to make Trump into an electable candidate, unfortunately for him, and the 78-year-old recently stated as much for the world to hear. In yet another campaign blunder, the obstinate oldie slipped up and openly proclaimed “I have no cognitive.” Just like that, the moment proved that honesty is possible from Trump, if only by accident.

A fashion expert breaks down why Trump’s suits are saggier than his neck skin

There is literally nothing appealing about the absolute disgrace that is Donald Trump, but somehow his suits make an already gag-worthy man more offensive to the eye. Perhaps in a bid to convince voters that the cowboy fireman fantasy etched onto all those Trump trading cards actually exists, the frequent felon exclusively wears exceedingly oversized suits when he’s not glammed-up for the golf course.

As a result of their “kid who raided his dad’s closet” appeal, Trump’s outfits are often saggy and wrinkled in all the wrong places, and a fashion expert was kind enough to explain exactly why that is. It’s largely got to do with fabric weight and Trump’s tendency to keep off his feet, but the result is giving droopy elephant skin and we're gonna need him to pack up his pachyderm era immediately.

The Real Slim Shady encourages voters to oust the Big Weenie and welcome a new Head Honcho into office

Eminem’s never been shy about voicing his political opinions, but he’s rarely as vocal as he’s been in the last few years. The rapper recently joined a star-studded lineup of Donald detractors and even took to the stage in support of Kamala Harris at a Michigan rally. He’s been pushing back at Trump for years — accusing the candidate of “brainwashing” his supporters, for one — but his latest move takes things a step further by removing the rapper from his usual approach (which typically involves his bread and butter) and placing him directly on the campaign trail.

Heartless egomaniac Trump doubles down on his long-ago call for the death of teenagers

Donald Trump’s tiny, shriveled heart doesn’t seem to boast the capacity for kindness, a fact that he was careful to underline when he once again made heartless and distinctly false claims about the Central Park Five. The quintet of notably innocent teens served full sentences for a crime they didn’t commit several decades back and Trump made major efforts back in the late ‘80s to see them executed. This is something he apparently doesn’t regret in the slightest, based on comments he made at the second presidential debate, but he will when their latest lawsuit goes through. 

Even Reverend Al Sharpton is fully on-board with the legal action, throwing his weight behind the lawsuit and noting that he thinks the Exonerated Five are “right” to pursue legal action. “Donald repeated, again, that they’re responsible,” he pointed out, and added that “DNA cleared” each of the men several decades back.

Tacky twit Tucker Carlson unleashes his creep with unsettling ‘spanking’ rant

Unhinged quack Tucker Carlson is a walking red flag and the ick to end all icks. He’s gross, and he really doubled down on his already award-winning creep factor during a recent rant during which he advocated for the spanking of children when they misbehave. Not just any children, though — young girls specifically. “You’ve been a bad girl,” the absolute reprobate said in front of a rally crowd, horrifically repeating what he perceives to be a necessary discipline in the face of childish misconduct. “You’ve been a bad little girl and you’re getting a vigorous spanking right now.” His skin-crawling approach to teenage rebellion suggests that he should be tossed into jail immediately and not allowed within 10 feet of anyone, specifically underage girls. We can only hope that come November 5th and the weeks thereafter, the MAGA madness finally comes to an end and these weirdos all find holes to crawl back into.