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- Melania Trump crowns herself snit queen as Mace tries to fight Crockett and Pete can't remember his kids
Melania Trump crowns herself snit queen as Mace tries to fight Crockett and Pete can't remember his kids
Happy New Year!
There may come a day when Republicans stop letting their worst selves rise to the surface, but we're willing to bet it won't come for another four years, at least. Donald Trump has been relatively quiet ahead of his inauguration, perhaps attempting to appear somewhat presidential for a change. Instead of his usual antics, it appears he's letting his minions spew crazy for a while, and his wife Melania has been more than happy to accept the baton. She's finally broken her silence on how she felt about the 2016 transition, and unsurprisingly, the former model had nothing nice to say about Barack and Michelle Obama's hospitality. She seems to have completely forgotten her own rotten behavior in 2020, but never fear ⏤ the internet was more than happy to remind her.
The government is open for business after the holidays, folks, and boy, are things getting spicy! It's not even February yet and already Jasmine Crockett and Nancy Mace have contemplated throwing hands on the House floor over ⏤ surprise, surprise ⏤ civil rights and liberties. Pete Hegseth, meanwhile, appears to be inching ever closer to a position he's wildly unqualified for amid rumors of out-of-control drinking. He took the stand this week to defend himself, but the Fox News presenter couldn't even get through his intro without looking like a fool.
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Vice president-elect JD Vance has also been quiet in the lead-up to the inauguration. Perhaps the "Never Trump Guy" is spending time with his family before the big move, or maybe he's practicing loosening those throat muscles. After all, it's gonna be hard to eat all of the nasty words he's said about Trump over the years now that they'll be rubbing elbows daily.
Things in America might look a little grim, but at least those state-side aren't dealing with Andrew Tate. The controversy and lawsuit-swamped misogynist's pea brain is convinced that he's somehow qualified to be Prime Minister — and, for some reason, Trump's new best friend Elon Musk agrees. We're going to guess it has something to do with the tacky acronym his new party has adopted, but it's probably a way cringier connection knowing these internet edge-lords.
Alright, friends ⏤ let's take a deep breath and dive into this madness.
Nancy Mace, fresh off a fabricated injury, up and challenges Jasmine Crockett to a fight
(L) Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images (R) Photo by Kent Nishimura/Getty Images
Though she didn’t specify that she wanted to use her fists in her bold recent challenging of Democratic superhero Jasmine Crockett, Nancy Mace sure did hint at wanting to engage in some form of fisticuffs. The notoriously transphobic representative lashed out at Crockett during her Texas colleague’s championing of the Oversight Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties and quickly dug herself into a very unflattering hole.
Mace demanded that she and Crockett “take it outside” after the famously sassy representative criticized her campaign against transgender people. Following massive backlash, Mace quickly tried to backtrack, claiming that she wanted to step outside for a “more constructive conversation” as opposed to a fight (okay, Jan). She’ll have a hard time convincing anyone of that, particularly after multiple witnesses recently refuted her version of another incident. The latter saw Mace cry “assault” over what witnesses say was nothing more than a handshake — which really begs the question of how well this perpetual victim and incessant loudmouth would hold up in an actual brawl.
Marjorie Taylor Green ditches malice for mediation with completely unreasonable demand for Republican unity
Photo by Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
Say what you will about Marjorie Taylor Greene, but never say she isn't the actual encapsulation of all things MAGA. She's loud, performative, and more hypocritical than Elon Musk during a conversation about free speech. Now that the election is over, the belligerent blonde is back to attacking everyone she perceives as a Republican In Name Only, a list that now includes anyone who doesn't immediately kiss the ring.
Heading to her favorite social media cesspool, Greene climbed onto her soapbox to preach unity. "It’s not about any one member of Congress or any particular caucus," she wrote melodramatically. "It’s about the AMERICAN PEOPLE." The woman-slash-critter has been nothing but combative during her short time in office, which makes her statement sound emptier than the boxes of bleach under her sink. Of course her next sentiment put everything right in the world, as she clarified that the will of the people is actually the will of Donald Trump.
Republicans have all the cards, but even that isn't enough. Trump's team wants all or nothing, and they couldn't be clearer which makesthat it's their way or the highway — especially for the RINOs who don't get in line.
It's a toxic trifecta when misogyny meets megalomania and oh, look, Andrew Tate
Photo by Andrei Pungovschi/Getty Images
The Unholy Trinity of Twaddle — Andrew Tate, Donald Trump, and Elon Musk — has teamed up in what can only be described as a crusade to weaponize nonsense on a global scale. Tate appears to have thoroughly absorbed Trump's "Art of the Grift" playbook, because if a convicted Cheeto can finagle his way into the White House, then why can't a misogynistic, human trafficking-accused walking cloud of cheap cologne attempt the same stunt at 10 Downing Street? I can just picture Musk nodding in agreement.
Wherever there's a whiff of Trumpian tomfoolery, you can bet your last dogecoin that Musk will be there to lead the cheerleading squad. The tech billionaire recently gave his stamp of approval to a post suggesting that even if Tate falls short of snagging the PM gig, his mere existence will "transform British politics & create an army of men demanding change." Meanwhile, Trump’s counselor fangirled over Tate equating his temper tantrums to Trump's: "I think your anger is the same that President Trump has for our country. And the time is now for us to stop being wimps." I'm sure the U.K. is just dying for more overgrown man-babies throwing nuclear hissy fits.
Rest easy, though, guys. Tate has already taken a sledgehammer to any remaining shreds of credibility he might have had, let alone to the prospect of becoming Prime Minister. By once announcing that "reading books is for losers," he's not just flaunting a complete disregard for intellect; he's practically tattooed "I'm an imbecile" on his forehead. No wonder spelling "Britain" is beyond him when he's busy championing the brainless brigade.
Melania tries to throw shade at the Obamas, forgetting that Don and Barack are besties now
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images
In further evidence that the Trumps hardly communicate to each other anymore, Don seems to have forgotten to tell his wife to lay off his new best bud. Although the rest of the world hasn't been able to forget the uncanny image of POTUS 44 and 45/47 kidding around together at Jimmy Carter's funeral, Melania apparently missed the memo, as she's attempted to throw major shade at the Obamas in the days since. Just like her allegedly pungent husband, though, it won't wash.
When asked if she's looking forward to moving back into the White House, in a typically hard-hitting interview with FOX & Friends, the two-time first lady and future star of a Netflix true crime series got a little snippy. "The difference is I know where I will be going,” Melania said. “The first time was challenging. We didn’t have much of the information. The information was… upheld for us from [the] previous administration. But this time, I have everything!”
Coming from the woman who refused to accept Jill Biden's offer to attend the customary incumbent/outgoing First Lady tea party in December, Melania trying to portray the Obamas as the nasty ones is as rich as Scrooge McDuck. Fess up, Mel, we know you and Barron might not even live in the White House this time around — unless her "I have everything!" comment was really a preview of what she's getting out of the divorce settlement.
Don’t let his adoration fool you — limp-wristed wreck JD Vance has been criticizing Trump for years
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images
TikTok is well aware of how much JD Vance has flip-flopped on Donald Trump over the years, but since the social media site could be dead before he becomes VP, let’s review. In the years before he sold his spine for a shot at Trump’s side, Vance was a vocal and consistent critic of the disgraced former president. Pull quotes from old interviews are once again going viral in the lead-up to inauguration day, and they’re a welcome reminder of the scathing takeaways Vance so often delivered at his new boss’ expense.
Historically, Vance — the once self-proclaimed “never Trump guy” — has called the Bigot-in-Chief “America’s Hitler,” a “cynical a**hole,” and aptly dubbed him both “noxious” (a little on the nose for Diaper Don, don’t you think?) and “reprehensible.” He even classified Trump voters as “idiots” for allowing him into office the first time around, but he’s sure changed his tune of late.
Alleged family man Pete Hegseth fumbles his own kid’s name during confirmation hearing
Photo by Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
As if selecting a former Fox News presenter to be the Secretary of Defense wasn't bad enough on its own, nominee Pete Hegseth continues to up his own unqualified ante. His first day of Senate hearings did nothing to bolster confidence in the 44-year-old's ability to oversee the biggest military in the world — in fact, it made him look even worse. Right off the bat, Hegseth forgot his own children's names — well, just little Rex's, but still.
Trying to laugh off the flub, the TV personality bumbled through an apology saying, "Sorry, there's a lot of them." To be fair, seven is a lot of kids, but any respectable parent should be able to list them off without much effort. We doubt the stiffed kid is going to forget this anytime soon. (Kids remember everything, Pete.)
Unfortunately, the hearing never got any better for the TV personality. He couldn't list a single member of ASEAN, never found the words to defend his stance on why women shouldn't be allowed to serve in the military, and made a big show of vowing not to drink on the job with Megyn Kelly. Oh, and did we forget to mention that he's an alleged abuser? Yeah, MAGAts really do only hire the very best people, don’t they? Needless to say, it’s going to be a very interesting year…