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Screech! Howl! Hiss! Did someone hit a nerve? Nope, it's just Marjorie Taylor Greene wailing like a banshee after a dad pardoned his own son.

It’s been another eye-rolling week in American politics, thanks in large part to actual idiots testing the bounds of their missing hippocampi. As Marj continues flapping her gums and doing nothing of value, Pete Hegseth is dealing with the aftermath of his MAGA mommy admitting that he’s a woman-mistreating family embarrassment (yikes). Mama Hegseth is now trying to clean up the mess her precious baby has made (how convenient), taking all the heat so young Petey can continue his quest for “Secretary of Defense Defense,” as Trump calls it.

Donald, meanwhile, has a lot to answer for, namely closing in on another potential swamp monster for SoDD should Hegseth not work out, as well as whatever that Mar-a-Lago Thanksgiving “feast” was. From where I’m sitting, it looks like it was whipped up by the world's most downtrodden nursing home kitchen staff. I guess when you're busy plotting to annex Canada, there's no time to worry about trivial things like the quality of $350 turkey. Watch out, Justin Trudeau — you might be demoted to a lowly position in the Divided States of Crapmerica if Dumpty gets his way.

But the real MVP of this week's circus? Nick Fuentes, the sad-sack excuse of a human being totally devoid of humanity and respect for women. He somehow still thinks his hot takes are relevant when really all they scream is “institutionalize me.” The clown car has reached max capacity, folks, so let’s get into the nitty-gritty of what these deeply inhumane imbeciles said and did this week.

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Two screeching weasels decry Biden’s move to pardon his son, but Mark Hamill comes in with damning receipts

President Joe Biden’s decision to issue a sweeping pardon to his son Hunter this week was a shock to the system for Democrats and Republicans alike. His previous claims that he would avoid a pardon have led pretty much every Republican to dub him a liar, but no one was as outraged over the move as bitter backwater banshee Marjorie Taylor Greene.

In between requesting her own pardon — for the second time, I might add — and wailing about the unfairness of a decision that doesn’t directly affect her, Marj has continued her trend of chattering non-stop about Hunter instead of doing, you know, her job. Lauren Boebert has followed suit, going so far as to rub her two brain cells together long enough to form a single coherent thought. Both of their voices are soundly overwhelmed by that of Mark Hamill, however, who accurately noted that, in comparison to the people Trump pardoned, Hunter is “an absolute angel.”

Pitiful Pete Hegseth calls on mommy dearest to salvage his soundly squandered image

Just when it looked like Pete Hegseth's bid for Secretary of Defense Defense couldn't get any more ludicrous, the real poop hit the fan. The New York Times dropped a juicy 2018 takedown of the Fox News personality, and best — or worst — of all, it was penned by the man's own mother. She soundly addressed his status as a cheating, womanizing scumbag who uses his power to abuse women and openly derided him for being an embarrassment. Get this guy a government position!

Just when it seemed like it couldn't get any worse to be a Hegseth, the family cranked that awkward dial up to an 11. The leaked letter pushed Mama Hegseth to play defense, and she's been doing the talk show rounds to blame everyone but her son for his bad public image ever since. It's kind of inspiring to see the lengths a mother will go to protect her son, but when Mommy has to step in to salvage her abusive baby boy's chance at a job he's unqualified for — under a boss he has openly bashed in the past — you know the exit sign is flashing red. Trump has both eyed a replacement in Ron DeSantis and insisted that Heggy is a “WINNER,” so we have yet to see just how bombastically this house of cards will fall.

Mouth-breather McConnell gives hypocrisy a new turtle-faced name with complaint about ‘partisan’ Democrats

If there’s anyone on this planet who has absolutely zero right to whine about partisanship, it’s Mitch McConnell. This unbelievable walking corpse of a man had the gall to complain about supposedly “partisan” judges maintaining their positions despite previously announcing their intent to step back. ExSQUEEZE me? Sir, you are the horrifying, eye-melting poster child for partisanship. You refused to consider Barack Obama’s selection for the Supreme Court just years ago — only to reverse on that decision when a president of his choice was in office — and our memories aren’t nearly as foggy as yours. Your final day in office cannot come fast enough, Mitch. Go. Lay. Down.

Monster Marj's hypocrisy grows to Godzilla levels even as her memory shrinks to a minimum

When President Biden handed his son Hunter a pardon, you could practically feel the floor beginning to shake, like when the T-Rex approaches in Jurassic Park... Marjorie Taylor Greene was coming, and you knew she was going to rampage like a raptor at this apparent egregious injustice. Sure enough, Marjie's hypocrisy reached kaiju-levels when she declared that Biden was pardoning guilty people left, right, and center (well, mainly left, I guess).

Apparently, MTG forgot that she herself has already been handed a pardon by Trump, who really does dish out presidential pardons like they're McDonald's fries (not that he'd actually share any of his favorite food with anyone). Even getting into a screeching match with her nemesis Laura Loomer couldn't prevent her from acting like the world's oldest kindergartner. "I didn't eat the paste!" says Marj, while having paste smeared all over her face. Oh, speaking of Face(book), don't get her started on Mark Zuckerburg, whatever you do...

Tweetle Dump leans into his cognitive collapse with a horrifying Thanksgiving meal and the promise to invade Canada

Speaking of Trump, #45 has been on a roll this week. The president-elect hosted Thanksgiving dinner at his Mar-a-Lago resort, and despite sitting on enough wealth to fund a small country for a decade, he spared every expense. We already knew money couldn't buy taste, but this evidence suggests it actually detracts from it. The bland-looking fare makes nursing homes look luxurious, but apparently that's all they could afford with the meager million-dollar membership fee.

During the lackluster dinner, Trump entertained a number of high-profile guests, including the Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau. Trudeau allegedly came to the party in an effort to talk the president-to-be out of his disastrous tariff war, but the conversation was less than friendly. Trump suggested that, should the tariffs impact Canada negatively, he's more than willing to annex the country as America's 51 state— and is even willing to let Trudeau be governor. How thoughtful!

He upped the ante by posting a plan to invade Canada on his Truth Social account, leaving much of the world scratching their heads in disbelief. Proving his status as a "low IQ individual," the image of Trump's AI-generated threat includes Switzerland's Matterhorn, so Canadians shouldn't fear for their futures anytime soon. Trump loyalists were quick to declare the exchange a joke, but it's hard to trust a man who has made lying a cornerstone of his personality.

Despite his ample insistence that he had no idea what Project 2025 was or that he had anything to do with it, Trump is steadfastly placing the document's authors in key government positions. He recently appointed Russel Vought, the co-author of the disgusting plan, to a key role in the White House. Some of Vought's key opinions on democracy center around cutting the democratic part out entirely, and there is nothing more unsettling than the idea of incoming president Trump soon having the power to wield the military during moments of civil unrest.

The bigot who's never been able to keep a girlfriend brazenly babbles about matrimonial authority

Well, who do we have here? None other than Nick Fuentes, the pasty, basement-dwelling troglodyte who fancies himself a "sigma male" but can't seem to get a woman to touch him with a ten-foot pole. Nick's latest hot take? "Your wife is your dominion” — a message clearly meant for other men lacking length humanity and cojones confidence. One can only imagine the hordes of women lining up to be subjugated by this modern-day Casanova. Oh wait, that's right — Nick can't seem to get a date to save his life. It turns out that spouting hateful misogynistic nonsense isn't quite the aphrodisiac Fuentes seems to think it is. But folks, if the rumors are to be believed, he may have found love after all.…with another man! Who’s the unlucky fella? None other than liberal commentator Destiny. It’s an odd choice of paramour for a guy who's spent years kissing up to right-wing ideologies while blasting the gays, but hey, the mouth heart wants what it wants, right?